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Random Questions
Feb. 26th, 2015 10:38 amAnother question from OKCupid:
Are you more likely to hold a grudge or forgive someone?
Are you more likely to hold a grudge or forgive someone?
- Hold a grudge
- Forgive
What I do isn't really holding a grudge per se, so much as, some things just need to be explicitly worked out before I'm able and willing to forgive and move on. If the thing is just hanging there between us, I'm not necessarily going to be mad, I just want it to be fixed first.
Some more extended thoughts about that: I like reaching closure on as many things as possible, as early as possible, when issues are small and much less painful. They don't go away if you ignore them, they just get bigger and more painful.
How do things get worked out? Well, a good starting point is to apologize for all the parts where you're in the wrong. The real point of an apology is to let the other person know that you know where you were wrong, acknowledge that it was wrong, and imply that you're not going to do it that way again, now that you know.
Unfortunately, not many people seem to understand how this works. Some people will not only not acknowledge that they were in the wrong, they'll go on to make it even MORE wrong as a way to justify to themselves that the original wrong wasn't actually wrong and the person they've wronged is the one that's in the wrong. (These type of people seem to flock to PvP MMOs. :p) Then there are people who will say "sorry" and then do the same thing again, and then say "sorry" again expecting that that will fix everything the same as it did the first time, and wonder why it has stopped being good enough after a while. (One of my ex's was like that; that was one of the reasons he's now an ex.)
I like the questions aspect of OKCupid a lot. They're like a shortcut around having to do a ton of dates to find stuff out about people over a long period of time. I'm also constitutionally incapable of not answering a question that has been posed to me if I know what the answer is, which means I can get sucked into answering these things for hours at a time. Eventually the novelty will wear off, I'm sure, but in the meantime, it's fun to go over to other people's profiles and answer all the same questions they've answered, just to see how high I can drive up the enemy rating.
As for how it's going on the dating front, now that it's been a week: well, I was getting about 40 visitors a day for a while, but it seems to have died down to the mid-20s. I neither know nor care who any of them are; I put myself on invisible browse almost immediately just because I don't want to have to wade through all that, nor do I want *more* messages from random people because I've browsed through their profiles. If they're serious, they can send a message.
I get about half a dozen messages from new people per day. Most of them I just delete without even looking, because they're from nowhere near me, or they've clearly not read my profile. I really don't understand why anyone with a 70%+ enemy rating would even try. Messages that are worth responding to: maybe one or two per day, which is doable.
There's two possible prospects that are actually worth pursuing in more detail at the moment. One's in Pensacola, one's in Mobile. Which kind of gets to the other reason I didn't really want to sign up for a dating site: at some point I might have to actually reject people, and I hate that part.
Some more extended thoughts about that: I like reaching closure on as many things as possible, as early as possible, when issues are small and much less painful. They don't go away if you ignore them, they just get bigger and more painful.
How do things get worked out? Well, a good starting point is to apologize for all the parts where you're in the wrong. The real point of an apology is to let the other person know that you know where you were wrong, acknowledge that it was wrong, and imply that you're not going to do it that way again, now that you know.
Unfortunately, not many people seem to understand how this works. Some people will not only not acknowledge that they were in the wrong, they'll go on to make it even MORE wrong as a way to justify to themselves that the original wrong wasn't actually wrong and the person they've wronged is the one that's in the wrong. (These type of people seem to flock to PvP MMOs. :p) Then there are people who will say "sorry" and then do the same thing again, and then say "sorry" again expecting that that will fix everything the same as it did the first time, and wonder why it has stopped being good enough after a while. (One of my ex's was like that; that was one of the reasons he's now an ex.)
I like the questions aspect of OKCupid a lot. They're like a shortcut around having to do a ton of dates to find stuff out about people over a long period of time. I'm also constitutionally incapable of not answering a question that has been posed to me if I know what the answer is, which means I can get sucked into answering these things for hours at a time. Eventually the novelty will wear off, I'm sure, but in the meantime, it's fun to go over to other people's profiles and answer all the same questions they've answered, just to see how high I can drive up the enemy rating.
As for how it's going on the dating front, now that it's been a week: well, I was getting about 40 visitors a day for a while, but it seems to have died down to the mid-20s. I neither know nor care who any of them are; I put myself on invisible browse almost immediately just because I don't want to have to wade through all that, nor do I want *more* messages from random people because I've browsed through their profiles. If they're serious, they can send a message.
I get about half a dozen messages from new people per day. Most of them I just delete without even looking, because they're from nowhere near me, or they've clearly not read my profile. I really don't understand why anyone with a 70%+ enemy rating would even try. Messages that are worth responding to: maybe one or two per day, which is doable.
There's two possible prospects that are actually worth pursuing in more detail at the moment. One's in Pensacola, one's in Mobile. Which kind of gets to the other reason I didn't really want to sign up for a dating site: at some point I might have to actually reject people, and I hate that part.
