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So a few months ago, Steven Barnes posted on Facebook a 45-day challenge (more here)(later modified to a 30-day challenge) to begin a series of centering habits that will put you in touch with yourself. Among other things, it includes a Morning Ritual where you chant some mantras while exercising, and a visualization meditation that includes an Ancient Child and an Inner Elder.
I haven't actually done any of it, just spent a lot of time ruminating. The mantras don't sit well for me, especially the first one of "every day in every way I'm getting better and better." Catchy, but I'm not going to say that to myself if it feels like I'm lying to myself to make myself feel better. I probably am getting better as time goes by, but not in every way all of the time, and I also do a lot of backsliding.
But today while I was down for a nap, I figured I'd try out the visualizations. Ancient Child? The idea is to visualize your own inner light, condense it down into the form of a child, and bring that into your heart. So, light. I have lots of that. It seems to infinitely expand from me in all directions. I also don't really visualize things. It's more accurate to say I frame an essence. So I framed an essence of myself as a child, who is probably about 6, and brought that to my heart. The resulting burst of love and joy and laughter made me laugh out loud.
On to the Inner Elder. The idea is to visualize yourself on your deathbed, looking back over your life and reflecting on what parts were actually important and what parts you regret, letting go of ego, lies, greed, approval, petty fear, and bringing all that to the crown of your head. Well, I framed an essence of something. And it was even a positive something. Unfortunately, it seems I can't have both that one and the Ancient Child going at the same time, so they can't converse with each other.
(It occurs to me that I probably have a lot of ego tied up into being able to do the Ancient Child part pretty well, while most of the commenters on Steve Barnes's posts are stuck at that part. Most of his posts are about either the Morning Ritual or Ancient Child, and only one about Inner Elder with very few comments on it. This might have something to do with why I'm stuck.)
I decided that I didn't understand the Inner Elder well enough to know what I'm doing, and did some reading, whereupon I found an article about the top 5 most common deathbed regrets. It said, and I paraphrase it to what it means to me:
1. Above all else, be true to yourself.
Also, honor your dreams.
2. "Don't work too hard." More precisely, work hard at things that are meaningful, and not at things that aren't - and especially not at the expense of the things that matter. Important corollary: money is not one of the things that most matter.
3. Express your feelings honestly.
But also appropriately. I've always thought it was healthy to vent, as long as the venue is somewhere other than the object of the vent.
4. Value and prioritize your friendships (and other loved ones).
This is one that I've only recently worked out. I'm still not great at the friendship thing, especially in real life, but hopefully will get better at it.
5. "I wish I had let myself be happier."
(This one I don't relate to at all. It sounds to me like the same thing as #1; if you're true to yourself, other people's approval won't matter.)
Meanwhile, back at the Inner Elder post, two questions that make me ponder:
2. What do I wish I could say to my younger self? Would it have made my life happier?
4. If I continue to live as I have, will I have regrets?
So on the whole, Take What You Need probably applies to all this. And now I guess I'm back to ruminating.
I haven't actually done any of it, just spent a lot of time ruminating. The mantras don't sit well for me, especially the first one of "every day in every way I'm getting better and better." Catchy, but I'm not going to say that to myself if it feels like I'm lying to myself to make myself feel better. I probably am getting better as time goes by, but not in every way all of the time, and I also do a lot of backsliding.
But today while I was down for a nap, I figured I'd try out the visualizations. Ancient Child? The idea is to visualize your own inner light, condense it down into the form of a child, and bring that into your heart. So, light. I have lots of that. It seems to infinitely expand from me in all directions. I also don't really visualize things. It's more accurate to say I frame an essence. So I framed an essence of myself as a child, who is probably about 6, and brought that to my heart. The resulting burst of love and joy and laughter made me laugh out loud.
On to the Inner Elder. The idea is to visualize yourself on your deathbed, looking back over your life and reflecting on what parts were actually important and what parts you regret, letting go of ego, lies, greed, approval, petty fear, and bringing all that to the crown of your head. Well, I framed an essence of something. And it was even a positive something. Unfortunately, it seems I can't have both that one and the Ancient Child going at the same time, so they can't converse with each other.
(It occurs to me that I probably have a lot of ego tied up into being able to do the Ancient Child part pretty well, while most of the commenters on Steve Barnes's posts are stuck at that part. Most of his posts are about either the Morning Ritual or Ancient Child, and only one about Inner Elder with very few comments on it. This might have something to do with why I'm stuck.)
I decided that I didn't understand the Inner Elder well enough to know what I'm doing, and did some reading, whereupon I found an article about the top 5 most common deathbed regrets. It said, and I paraphrase it to what it means to me:
1. Above all else, be true to yourself.
Also, honor your dreams.
2. "Don't work too hard." More precisely, work hard at things that are meaningful, and not at things that aren't - and especially not at the expense of the things that matter. Important corollary: money is not one of the things that most matter.
3. Express your feelings honestly.
But also appropriately. I've always thought it was healthy to vent, as long as the venue is somewhere other than the object of the vent.
4. Value and prioritize your friendships (and other loved ones).
This is one that I've only recently worked out. I'm still not great at the friendship thing, especially in real life, but hopefully will get better at it.
5. "I wish I had let myself be happier."
(This one I don't relate to at all. It sounds to me like the same thing as #1; if you're true to yourself, other people's approval won't matter.)
Meanwhile, back at the Inner Elder post, two questions that make me ponder:
2. What do I wish I could say to my younger self? Would it have made my life happier?
4. If I continue to live as I have, will I have regrets?
So on the whole, Take What You Need probably applies to all this. And now I guess I'm back to ruminating.
