However... negative reinforcement isnt the only piece of the puzzle. Nobody loves a tyrant, and people will only do what they need to inorder to escape the tyrants wrath. Inorder to be a GOOD and effective parent, one needs to also be loved, which is a bit trickier. One way is to reward a child for being good. If they're behaving in a store, offer to buy them a pack of gum. Always be sure to compliment them if they show proper manners (or else the child will think "Whats the point in using manners, other then to escape daddies wrath"), and dont be afriad to tell them that they're behaving well, being a good boy/girl, ect ect. Its also very important to thank them if they help you, even if they werent of much help. It's really the thought that counts, so if you can associate positive feelings with things like being helpful, you'll help to raise a compansionate child. Positive reinforcment is better then negative, IMHO. Telling your children you love them and think they're wonderful and special on a regular basis are also very important. This will help reinforce that they are loved and build their self esteem. If there's a large milestone for them approaching, such as pottey training, shoe tying, ect ect, create a chart of sorts for them that lets them track their progress, and give it a goal. Like... "we'll take you out some place special when you learn your abc's," or "if you make your bed everyday for 3 months, we'll buy you ." Something that will give them a goal to work towards so they can learn how to set goals, make plans, stick to the plan, and see it through towards the end. Maybe they're just in it for the toy... but they are still learning. The largest pitfall of positive reinforcement is the same one for negative reinforcement, consistency. If you say you're going to do something, you have to do it or else the child will learn to doubt your word, or worse, might feel unloved. Thus, only make promises you know you can keep. If they ask you something like "Are you coming to my baseball game," and you fear you might have to work, tell them the truth. "I will try my best sweety. I might have to work, but im going to go talk to my boss and see if i can get that night off." ect ect. And then follow through. The other pitfall to avoid is spoiling the child. This occurs when the child gets everything they want. This is another positive effect of the goalsetting system. If the child only recieves a toy after they've done some kind of work (chores for x number of , or making a milestone), then they will learn that inorder to get things, they need to work. In instances where they ask you for something... say a toy or a game, try to bargain with them instead of just giving it to them. Offer an exchange of work for money, then let them buy it (with you watching). never ask anything too hard of them, make it simple things like daily chores (pet care, cleaning, proper hygene), or maybe help with a project. It's also important to have them help you with something where the only reward they recieve is a "thank you." This way they dont come to make the association that work will ALWAYS get them a toy or candy. Just besure that you dont promise them anything first. Suprises can also be good, as long as they're rare. If they've been behaving for a good amount of time, plan to take them to a water park (or something similar... growing up next to the dells has paritally skewed my ideas of how nearby waterparks are for most people..), then tell them around dinner, "Since you've been so good, tomorrow we're going to take a family trip to ." Trips arent special though, make sure to reinforce the ideas of manners and proper behavior. If they misbehave, threaten to take them home, and if they continue, do so. Consistency is extremely important. To continue postive growth, it's also important to support and encourage them in their pursuits. Even if you might not be into something they like, still encourage them and try to offer help where you can. Talk to them about all kinds of things, show you enjoy spending time with them. Include them in activities and dont ignore them.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2006-08-02 06:32 pm (UTC)However... negative reinforcement isnt the only piece of the puzzle. Nobody loves a tyrant, and people will only do what they need to inorder to escape the tyrants wrath. Inorder to be a GOOD and effective parent, one needs to also be loved, which is a bit trickier. One way is to reward a child for being good. If they're behaving in a store, offer to buy them a pack of gum. Always be sure to compliment them if they show proper manners (or else the child will think "Whats the point in using manners, other then to escape daddies wrath"), and dont be afriad to tell them that they're behaving well, being a good boy/girl, ect ect. Its also very important to thank them if they help you, even if they werent of much help. It's really the thought that counts, so if you can associate positive feelings with things like being helpful, you'll help to raise a compansionate child. Positive reinforcment is better then negative, IMHO. Telling your children you love them and think they're wonderful and special on a regular basis are also very important. This will help reinforce that they are loved and build their self esteem. If there's a large milestone for them approaching, such as pottey training, shoe tying, ect ect, create a chart of sorts for them that lets them track their progress, and give it a goal. Like... "we'll take you out some place special when you learn your abc's," or "if you make your bed everyday for 3 months, we'll buy you ." Something that will give them a goal to work towards so they can learn how to set goals, make plans, stick to the plan, and see it through towards the end. Maybe they're just in it for the toy... but they are still learning. The largest pitfall of positive reinforcement is the same one for negative reinforcement, consistency. If you say you're going to do something, you have to do it or else the child will learn to doubt your word, or worse, might feel unloved. Thus, only make promises you know you can keep. If they ask you something like "Are you coming to my baseball game," and you fear you might have to work, tell them the truth. "I will try my best sweety. I might have to work, but im going to go talk to my boss and see if i can get that night off." ect ect. And then follow through. The other pitfall to avoid is spoiling the child. This occurs when the child gets everything they want. This is another positive effect of the goalsetting system. If the child only recieves a toy after they've done some kind of work (chores for x number of , or making a milestone), then they will learn that inorder to get things, they need to work. In instances where they ask you for something... say a toy or a game, try to bargain with them instead of just giving it to them. Offer an exchange of work for money, then let them buy it (with you watching). never ask anything too hard of them, make it simple things like daily chores (pet care, cleaning, proper hygene), or maybe help with a project. It's also important to have them help you with something where the only reward they recieve is a "thank you." This way they dont come to make the association that work will ALWAYS get them a toy or candy. Just besure that you dont promise them anything first. Suprises can also be good, as long as they're rare. If they've been behaving for a good amount of time, plan to take them to a water park (or something similar... growing up next to the dells has paritally skewed my ideas of how nearby waterparks are for most people..), then tell them around dinner, "Since you've been so good, tomorrow we're going to take a family trip to ." Trips arent special though, make sure to reinforce the ideas of manners and proper behavior. If they misbehave, threaten to take them home, and if they continue, do so. Consistency is extremely important. To continue postive growth, it's also important to support and encourage them in their pursuits. Even if you might not be into something they like, still encourage them and try to offer help where you can. Talk to them about all kinds of things, show you enjoy spending time with them. Include them in activities and dont ignore them.