I can still very clearly remember how my parents disciplined myself, laregly because i think they had the right idea. They not once used phyiscal punishment (by the time my mom actually tried i was far too large :-P). The important points to their style were consistency, fairness, and proper explaination.
The most common was time out. "Go sit in the chair in the corner and think about what you've down." They set out a little egg timer that clearly showed how much time we had to sit there. If we moved, it was reset. If we screamed about it, it was reset. There was at least one day where each one of us spent the entire day in time out. The real zinger is though, at the end of the time out, we had to have calmed down, and then calmly explain why we thought we were being put in time out. If we were still all emotional then it was back to the chair. A wrong explaination had one of two possible outcomes. If it was obvious we were just lying or trying to circumvent the system, it was back to the chair. If, however, we looked sincere, they would take the time to explain everything, even let us ask questions. This way we understood why our behavior had been inappropreate.
If more drastic measures were needed, they'd threaten to take away toys or privelages. The difference here is when my mom said "You have til 3 to stop or you're grounded," is, when she reached three, I was grounded. Too many parents make empty threats and never back them up, and this teaches their children how to lie, manipulate, and dodge responcibility. If you tell a child that you're going to do something, then you better do it or your going to imprint on them that you dont always do what you say.
The whole parenting thing goes along with my theories about government as well. An effective parent/leader is both loved and feared. Feared in that their authority must be absolute. What you say, you do. One reason why parents need to exercise a lot of selfcontrol. Only make reasonable and fair threats. And ALWAYS back those threats up. That way your children learn that when you say "do/dont do this or else" that if they continue, that or else is not just an empty threat. Consistency is also very important. Never let an incident go, "just this once." The punishment must always be the same for the same incident, and it must always exist. That way the children will EVENTUALLY learn justice and fairness. Also, it will reinforce the absoluteness of the parents 'power.' On the topic of justice and fairess... it is also very important to explain EXACTLY why the child is being punished in ways they understand. More then that, the child should be made to try to figure out why they're being punished, that way they're forced to think, and by thinking, hopefully learn. If they can be made to understand the reason, then they wont be embittered towards the parents, but more often (at least in my case) ashamed of themselves.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2006-08-02 06:32 pm (UTC)The most common was time out. "Go sit in the chair in the corner and think about what you've down." They set out a little egg timer that clearly showed how much time we had to sit there. If we moved, it was reset. If we screamed about it, it was reset. There was at least one day where each one of us spent the entire day in time out. The real zinger is though, at the end of the time out, we had to have calmed down, and then calmly explain why we thought we were being put in time out. If we were still all emotional then it was back to the chair. A wrong explaination had one of two possible outcomes. If it was obvious we were just lying or trying to circumvent the system, it was back to the chair. If, however, we looked sincere, they would take the time to explain everything, even let us ask questions. This way we understood why our behavior had been inappropreate.
If more drastic measures were needed, they'd threaten to take away toys or privelages. The difference here is when my mom said "You have til 3 to stop or you're grounded," is, when she reached three, I was grounded. Too many parents make empty threats and never back them up, and this teaches their children how to lie, manipulate, and dodge responcibility. If you tell a child that you're going to do something, then you better do it or your going to imprint on them that you dont always do what you say.
The whole parenting thing goes along with my theories about government as well. An effective parent/leader is both loved and feared. Feared in that their authority must be absolute. What you say, you do. One reason why parents need to exercise a lot of selfcontrol. Only make reasonable and fair threats. And ALWAYS back those threats up. That way your children learn that when you say "do/dont do this or else" that if they continue, that or else is not just an empty threat. Consistency is also very important. Never let an incident go, "just this once." The punishment must always be the same for the same incident, and it must always exist. That way the children will EVENTUALLY learn justice and fairness. Also, it will reinforce the absoluteness of the parents 'power.' On the topic of justice and fairess... it is also very important to explain EXACTLY why the child is being punished in ways they understand. More then that, the child should be made to try to figure out why they're being punished, that way they're forced to think, and by thinking, hopefully learn. If they can be made to understand the reason, then they wont be embittered towards the parents, but more often (at least in my case) ashamed of themselves.